Monday, January 5, 2009

The best thing about me? My humility and lack of self-centered-ess, of course!

Are you a resolutions type? I am, in a huge way. I start off every year with a grand plan to completely overhaul everything about myself- to basically become an amalgam of all of the people that I admire and less like the person that I already am. And, as you can imagine, I have never succeeded with these resolutions, not even a little teeny, tiny bit. After 27 years of this self-sabotaging behavior, I am done. Over the last few months I have slowly come to realize that I like being me. So what if I'm not super-organized, skinny, domestically gifted, especially reverent and studious, or any of the other million qualities that I have always thought I should be? In so many other ways, I totally rock. So my resolution this year is to be braver about being myself. To embrace the things that I love, do the best I can with the things I don't so much care for, and to stop, once and for all, trying to force my life to fit into someone else's model. And, yes, I know that successful resolutions are specific resolutions and that mine couldn't be more nebulous, so I made a few specific ones to help with the ambiguity.

  1. Take some classes. I am tired of being jealous of my husband and his classes, and new school books, and papers to write. So, I plan to take a few classes this year. Nothing major: photography, maybe a new language, possibly creative writing.
  2. Complete at least one of the paintings that have been floating around in my head and my sketchbooks for the last million years.
  3. Run more. I actually enjoy running, but I am so self-conscious about how I look that I just don't do it. Not this year. Everyone looks ridiculous when they run, right? So, I plan to do a 5k and a half-marathon with my sister, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law this spring and summer. Hopefully, being committed to not letting them down will help me get over myself already...
  4. Organize my house in the way that works best for me, not an organizational guru. I finally realized that, as I am a visual person, my organization needs to be visually oriented. This is the "do the best I can" part. I'll take it one room or section a month and really concentrate on setting things up in a way that needs very little maintenance. Because I am really not a follow-up type of person...

I'm not going to resolve to be a better mother or wife, because I feel like I've been coming in under the bar in those areas mostly because I'm not focusing enough on things that make me happy outside of that identity and that doing more for me will bring more joy to my role in my family. Also, I'm selfish and want to do fun stuff, so there.

What about you? Resolute or not? Do you subscribe to the "new year = new you" philosophy?


Marie said...

Don't they say that if Mom's not happy, nobody's happy? It's silly and sounds dumb, but it's TRUE. If you're not happy with yourself and confident and comfortable in your own skin, then you can't be confident and comfortable with much else.

Along those lines, I do have certain exact pound-age goals for what I want to lose this year, BUT, I have no insane thoughts of being skinny ever again. I just want to be healthy so that I can live as long as possible to give everyone else a run for their money as long as I can.

Anyway, I do use the New Year to take a step back and reevaluate where I am and where I want to be. I don't know how successful I am - I too would venture to say that at this point in my life I'm at my all time lows in many areas. But - there's always tomorrow (hopefully) to try and improve and get to where I want to be. I too am looking into classes. They may not happen this year, but I'm getting organized and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. A stay-at-home mom with no kids at home is not something I see in my future. Sorry.

Here's to a new year and new energy towards reaching our goals!!

misty said...

Yay for you, sweetie! Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, but we always seem to focus on the areas we think we suck at rather than the stuff we do well. And it's never good for anyone to make the focus of their whole identity being a wife or mother. Not that I really think you have ever done that, but sometimes it feels like that when your kids are little!

template by