Just more evidence that TLC is evil and out to get me...

I wish I had some good excuses for not posting here for the last million years or so, but I do not. I'm just lazy and easily discouraged, but still vain enough that I don't always want to report my laziness and discouragement. How have you been during this hiatus? Did you also succumb to winter-induced cabin fever?
This Saturday, I am 'running' my first half-marathon, for which I am in no way prepared. Don't get me wrong, I was training for it, but was derailed by many circumstances completely beyond my control. Like, cold air hurts my lungs and makes me gasp painfully for air and cry. So I couldn't run when it was cold, obviously. People assume the worst when they see a woman running down the street hyperventilating and sobbing. Another factor holding me back was my new found obsession- Sunday afternoon 48 Hours: Hard Evidence marathons on TLC, which have convinced me that jogging alone is just asking for trouble. Paranoid people should not be allowed to watch true crime shows. Anyway, I'm sure you can see how my lack of preparedness is completely not my fault. So, think of me, will you, as you enjoy your peaceful, fun Saturday morning. Do you think there's a graceful way to fake an injury and get out of this at this point? Any last minute advice to see me through?